Last night I fell asleep on the sofa while watching the new Agatha Christie TV adaptation, Why Didn’t They Ask Evans? When I splutteringly came to near the end, I reflected that nodding off an Bank Holiday evening while watching an Agatha Christie was about the most middle-aged thing I’ve done. Other signs include:
Emitting a soft groan when getting in and out of cars
Not recognising which Bond film it is
Talking about one’s latest health niggle
Embarking on an over-ambitious fitness regime
Becoming obsessed with birdlife and wildflowers
Using fingers to type on a smartphone
Going on Facebook
I’m sure I have many, many more. My children aren’t awake (egad!) as I write this, so I can’t ask them what other manifestations I display.
What are your signs of being middle-aged? (Or perhaps prematurely middle-aged…)
I went for a haircut a few months ago, told the barber what I wanted, and he said “Ah, yes, 70s style”. You may need to re-calibrate for the appropriate decade, but I think that depressed me more than crackly knee joints.
I’d say not being able to get up off the sofa without an “oof” or a groan but I do that now 😂
Perhaps increased disillusion with politics, intolerance of others (to be fair I've never been brilliant with the rest of humanity). Going against the tide I rarely interact with FB these days.
Daring to not use the under blanket heater now that April’s here. Bravely cracking the double glazing seal on all the windows and accepting that the cold blast of air is good for the soul... and the lungs.
AND, AND and... waiting for the full three minutes for the free radicals to infuse properly before pouring out a mug of strong tea from the pot (always, ALWAYS a mug, cups just don’t supply enough volume)!
A complete inability to get up off the floor in less than 3 separate moves and some vague hand waving was a huge sign.. But to be honest I’m more comfortable with myself and more confident now in my mid 40’s than I was in my mid 20’s - maybe that’s a sign too? Anyway sod middle age, at the grand old age of 46 I got a helix piercing today that I’ve promised myself for months 😁
Five different sighs and three groans
The only answer is to drink more and stop worrying about life and to live it especially after the last two years of sxxt.
Happy Easter Guy and all on substack.
A friend of mine, an ex-boss who is a generation older than me calls the inevitable round-the-dinner-table discussion of everybody's ailments as 'the organ recital'.
A year ago I got a cat: does that count?
Well, last night I watched Death on the Nile with Kenneth Branagh, I am also a birdwatcher, use Facebook and what else would you use to type on a smartphone with?
Developing an intense interest in Pressure Washer performance and reliability
Most of the above plus wanting to want to go out but not wanting to go out! So choosing to spend the night in front of TV.
Knees that sound as though I’m walking on crunchy gravel the whole time. The wrong pillow height in bed results in crippling neck pain for the next 3 days. Lots of eye rolling and tutting over things that would never have bothered me 20 years ago. Signing off texts with “best wishes”… How long am I allowed to ramble on for, Guy?
-- Thinking that Col. Nathan R Jessup actually has a point in A Few Good Men.
-- Understanding what a pension is...and realising how helpful it would have been to start saving much earlier.
-- Being unsure if you are more worried about your parents or your children?
-- Generalising the wildflowers point -- taking up a hobby with an earnestness not seen since ones days filling in University application forms: I found myself buying an instrument I had never played the other day...
Obviously I cannot agree with your Bond point. If you don't know the canon verbatim by now then that is a sign of a misspent youth.
I taught myself to cat nap decades ago (I have an exhausting auto-immune disease that makes me rest from time to time and has to be obeyed). However, sitting in a comfortable armchair when tired of an evening otherwise especially watching such as Midsummer Murders, I am catnapping BUT often I am fully hearing as those in the room whisper "She's asleep"... A good few minutes catnap is like a full night's sleep but any longer and you're doped. Met the producer of MM and told him I doze off and he replied, "That's why we repeat it often for you" not adding for OAPS especially. I often guess the MM murderer within the first ten minutes so a catnap doesn't spoil the two hours viewing. Recall sitting next to our late MP of Beaconsfield decades ago at a luncheon I had helped organise and he was snoozing away having told me what he was going to talk about in his speech (MPs always do that and some check notes sometimes) and I just didn't dare shake him awake. He woke in good time to deliver his speech. Debo Devonshire wrote about "The Organ Recital" in The Daily Telegraph, My Week, August 2008: "When two or three old people are gathered together in the name of lunch, you can be sure of the subject of conversation to start the ball rolling. Illness of all shapes and sizes are the thing and the Organ Recital begins. Heads, bodies and legs are dissected; noses, throats and ears..." Being interested/obsessed with wildlife can start as a child and it is a most wonderful one to have. Always use two fingers to type never did learn the correct way but can race along quite quickly for what I need. FB has some of my old friends from my childhood in Africa who are the diaspora of empire and a wonderful way to be in contact. I don't think I groan getting in and out of my car as it is a Land Cruiser and needs a good leg and knee to get into it plus the strong handgrip. It can always be lowered to a more easy height I have found for those finding scaling the heights to get in. Bond films... it doesn't matter if the title is lost but the early ones the very best with Sean and not the cartoon impossible stunts of the latest ones.
I think coming OFF Facebook more in the middle aged column, no? That said, TikTok features heavily in my daily routine these days. (Chris, aged 41 and a half)
I ache in places I didn’t even know I had places, every initial move is preceded by “ahh”. I can spell Sciatica… I let out a pre-snooze snore, just as I drop off, and a nice bottle of claret and a book holds more excitement than going to the boozer… I’m 53. Going on 75.
Additional signs :
1. Working out that one has to cross one’s legs the other way round for the next 50 years to unravel the damage of crossing one’s legs only on one side for the past 50 years
2. Generally pointing out everyone’s failings and faults first thing in the morning just to hide your own!